In dixieland I'll make my stand

Its amazing how the course of a night can be decided by one's partner in crime. On Friday night I spent most of my night with a level headed kid known affectionately as Chuckles. For the encounters to come the rest of the night I'd say that was probably my best choice of companions. The night started out in a typical matty j manner, an 18 pack and beer pong, I ended up playing mostly freshmen, so I ended up at the table for a while. At about the time where no one's agendas included playing anymore beer pong games, Chuckles asked if I wanted to go to a party, with things dieing down and the drunken urge to have something out of the norm happen I wholeheartedly agree with the party idea, so I pack up the rest of my beers like a soilder loads up his ammo box.

The walk was uneventful but long, over 20 blocks, when we get there I realize the startling truth, its a hippie party. Luckily, I run into my old roommate Mikey and we discuss plans of a possible invasion of our old freshmen room ( if it happens expect a good story about that one, possibly including but not limited to: security encouters, spilling drinks on Freshmen, and/or the classic streaking of the quad). After insulting the pretentious and crappy art project on the floor both of us break company. For some reason, mostly my narcisissim and the idea that I am the smartest drunk in the world, I end up in a debate on the front porch over whether culture influences personality or biological issues crate the culture we live in, basically I am rehashing a paper I just finished earlier that day, so she had absolutly no chance. The best part of this debate was we had an audience. Frankly I'd never seen this guy in my life but something about his face made me hate him more than any other individual that could ever be put in front of me. His plans were to hit on the girl I was talking to. There was no jealousy of this the girl wasn't my type, let's just say I have an aversion to girls that are that much bigger than me, cause if it ever came down to it I'd hate it if a girl whooped my ass, I decide to lay into this guy every time he tries to walk up.

"what are you doing"
"shut up, talk again when you have something relevant"
"Why don't you run along, big kids are talking"

I wish I had the presence of mind to yell:
"Donny you are out of your element"

You know I have never considered myself an "intimidating guy" but I'll be damned if that guy didn't go sit in a corner and wait for me to be done before he spoke again, he didn't even go for more beer. If normal matty is cocky this gave me the superman complex, I felt bulletproof. Eventually I get bored of all this talk and want to leave so I search out chuckles and persuade him we should leave. After a few minutes of introducing him to every girl that walked by we head out. On the way back we notice a bunch of people outside of a campus house, being impetuous we decide to check it out, I knew some people on the porch but they eventually turned out boring, so I go in. And in 10 steps I see another old roomate who I absolutly despise ( I had three roomies my freshman year,) so at that moment I decide we are leaving, on the way out I did manage to hit on a girl sitting between two guys on a couch that were vieing for her attention, prickdom can be fun.

The journey continued as up ahead we veiwed four guys running with some sort of object, investigations were in order. Turns out is was a street sign and in all this new found confidence I decide to aggrevate these fuckers. One look at these guys told me they'd never through down, granted they stole a street sign, but they were UPS suburbanite tools to the core, for starters they lived in an on- campus house, I proceed with no fear. First I threaten to call security which I actually did, but they were no help as I figured they would be, but they did give me the TPD number, way to come through security. I am way to drunk to remember the actual number but they don't know that so I start entering numbers ranting that they've stolen government property and they shall burn in hell for eternity, maybe I was jealous they didn't let me help steal the 16th and Washington sign. side note: what a crappy street sign to steal, this enrages me further. The small asain guy sees I am putting numbers into the phone and gets paranoid then runs up and shoves me. At this point I am hammered and this guys shove barely moves me, my delusions of grandeur swell.

"What was that my little Napolean complex friend?"
(he shoves me again, then his friends start to pull him back)
"come on Napolean don't go"
"you french fuck"

I wish either I hadn't been so drunk or had a voice recorder on me to remember the rest of the stuff I said, let's just say my insults were ripping them down so far they had to resort to physical violence. Seeing things were getting out of control, and by things I mean me, Chuckles grabs me and pulls me away as the profanities and insults string out of my mouth. Had chuckles been basically any of my other friends at that moment it would have been a two on four brawl, but lady luck has an unnatural attraction for me and saw me through with the right companion.

Insulting people really worked up an appetite and the only thing open is Metropolitan Market, we venture there. This visit made me realize WA has the stupidest laws ever we walked in at 2:00 AM even and checked out about 2:05 AM but that lame ass checker in there wouldn't sell me more beer, apparently he didn't realize I wanted a sandwhich and beer! If I could conjure up his face I would describe him so everyone would know to hate him but instead I bought my sandwhich than rapidly consumed it at chuckles' house then walked the last leg of my journey home, alone. And all I remember from that walk was that it was really cold then bed felt amazing.