dirty jokes
I have now spent two days as a bartender and it is by far the best job ever. I get to bull shit with regulars serve beer and if I mess up at the end of my shift I an forced to drink it. I also get all the free dr. pepper I can drink, and tips if you can ever be a bartender do it.
but that's not the point of this post I started a joke war with this old guy at the bar so if anyone has any joke suggestions preferably dirty I would appreciate it. and if i get enough responses I'll tell you the ones that good ol' Harry has told me.
but that's not the point of this post I started a joke war with this old guy at the bar so if anyone has any joke suggestions preferably dirty I would appreciate it. and if i get enough responses I'll tell you the ones that good ol' Harry has told me.
posted by matty at 4:29 PM
9 Comments:
pretty. fucking. awesome
OK Matty, here's a good'n:
So this guy with a little head walks into a bar and sits down in a stool. The bartender says, "Hey man, I gotta know something. How come you have such a little head?"
The man with a little head replies, "Well give me a free beer and I'll tell ya."
The bartender hands him the beer and the man with a little head starts, "So I was stranded in the ocean last week and I saw a rock and swam to it. When I got to the rock I climbed up it. A few moments later a beautiful mermaid swims up to him, climbs the rock and says, 'I am a magical mermaid and I will grant you 3 wishes!' "
"So I said, 'well I want a ride out of here to get me home.' So the mermaid wiggled her tail and boat appeared in the distance headed toward me and the rock."
"I've always wanted to be rich, and the mermaid wiggled her tail and gold started rising up all around me."
"I then thought, 'WOW! This chick's HOT!' And I said, 'Well, you're pretty hot! I want to fuck you!"
"Too which she quickly replied, 'Well you're a man and I'm a mermaid, it wouldn't work!' "
"So I said, 'How bout a little head?' "
It really depends on just how dirty you want to go. Try these on for size. These are pretty high up on the dirty scale, though.
Q: What's black and white and red all over and can't fit through a revolving door?
A: A nun with a spear through her head.
Q: Why do you wrap a squirrel in duct tape?
A: So it doesn't explode when you fuck it.
Q: What's the worst part about fucking a girl with a bald pussy?
A: Putting the diaper back on.
Q: What's the best part about fucking twenty five year olds?
A: There's twenty of them.
here's one for fun:
what did one tampon say to the other?
nothing they were both stuck up bitches
What is the difference between a dead baby and a bathtub?
you can't fuck the shit out of a bathtub.
Q: What do you get when you mix a mexican with an octopus?
A: I don't know, but it sure as hell can pick lettuce.
A bus driver takes the same route every day, first picking up this guy and than a few blocks later he picks up this hot chick. As soon as the girl gets on the bus he says to her in a very quick pace...
"tickle your clit with a feather?"
She says "What did you say?"
Bus driver replies "I can't belive this weather"
She than says "Oh yah, its pretty bad". And than she walks to her seat.
This pattern goes on for a week so eventually the guy on the bus walks up to the driver and tells him he knows what he's really saying but wants to know how he gets away with it.
Bus Driver "Oh that's easy, first I talk dirty really quickly to her and than find something that rhymes with it when she's confused so she doesn't know"
So the next day the driver picks up the guy and later the girl.
Driver: "Tickle your clit with a feather?"
Girl: "Excuse me?"
Driver: "I can't believe this weather"
Girl: "Oh yah, its bad"
Girl walks back and sits next to the guy. The guy looks over to her and says to her very quickly"
Guy: "Stick my dick in you cunt"
Girl: "What did you say?"
To which the guy nervously replies...
"Uhhh...Ummmmm......It's fucking raining!"
like cox in scrubs you should call them girls names. for example:
lil' matty: hey there natasha, can i get you blended drink or a smirnof ice?
tattooed biker: beats the shit out of matty j
on second thought....
Since berg took my bathtub joke..
What's the difference b/w a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?
You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Post a Comment
<< Home