god, my brilliance has become a burden, get back to me

another drunken quote "Grow more brains and less breasts"

you've reached...the bottom

Wow, it's been a while, too much work, too little down time, and a little too much drunkness. I have yet to have a day off in August but it hasn't really stopped me having fun too much but it has made exhaustion a constant feeling. For the purpose of this blog I work backward from now through the cruise if I get ambitious enough. So I've started hanging out with guys that are pushing 30, two 29 year olds convineintly both named Jeremy, who shall hence forth be refered to as Hemmingson and Holtman, and a 25 year old named Josh. Holtman is a cook at the brewery where I bartend and he and I close up together while Josh and Hemmingson who are patron sit and wait then all off us run down to a sketchy ass dive bar called the turf. this all started two weeks ago on a Tuesday last week when the owners of the brewery were out of town. I was invited along to said turf, now before I go into the stories I need to explain the turf, the guys I'm rolling with it's their favorite bar so I got instant cred in there, but had I not it could be an interesting experience. the drinks are stiff like the pour, pour, pour, splash kind, and being as we are all responsible alchoholics "we went for one." We all tip well at the bar so the tender during the week Julie, loves us and hooks us up. We are all served fast and strong drinks, thus one drink turns to two fairly easily, tally in the fact we all love to buy for each other, in fact on that tuesday night I got plowed without even buying a drink. it had apparently been a while since the drunk wisemen had been in the bar either so they were having teqila shots bought for them especially Hemmingson, who I might add had been drinking Red Tail ale all evening with me at the brewery. so he hits the wall harder than a corvetteand while the rest of us are bull shitting he just disappears. Unfazed, we continue drinking at the bar, 10 minutes later the bouncer walks up and broaches the subject that Hemmingson is stumbling around the parking lot, figuring he is looking for his car to pass out in, in almost unison we respond "ah, He's fine". Then things start to get a tad blurry so i go to the bathroom take a piss and I'm feeling better, I cruise on out and Holtman sidles over to me and points out two girls at a table in the corner, "Be my wingman" he asks, happy to oblidge I ask the only question a good wingman should ask, "which one do you want?" to which his brilliant wasted response was "The one with the big breasts." but as it turns out there was another guy at the table who I knew and was hanging out with the girl I was supposed to distract. So instead I talked to him until i remembered he was a douchebag then and hadn't changed too much, in fact not at all. It was at that moment I committed the cardnal sin of wingmen I ditched him left him flying solo into the maw of insanity that is females in a sketchy bar. But as we were leaving I swooped back in and asked if they wanted to come back to hotmans house with us for some pool. Unfortunately or fortunatly everyone else was really too intoxicated to spit any game, Hemmingson didn't even make it past the couch where he promptly laid down and was unable to be coaxed to moving, and because i was stumbling the least and apparently had known this girl in high school i woke up the next morning with a new number in my phone that I will never call. And that was Tuesday.

The only interesting part of Wednesday was Hemmingson and I are quoting old Bill Cosby routines at each other for hours then we look over and, a shithoused Josh and Holtman are filling out applications for a bartender, Josh is writing all in caps, and Holtman can't even write and lists skills like surfing as good for the business, and at one point asked me if it was a "y" or an "i" in "related".

Since I have to work again early tomorrow so this will be continued, look forward to "we're at the turf ditch the bitch," Josh and Hemmingson's desicion to break me, Holtman ditches his wingman, another round of drunkdials, shots on an empty stomach and naps in public restrooms, and the Alaska stories, ride to the brewery, milf hunting, balcony puking, and maybe even some more if I can remmber them but for now I get ready for another stretch that should produce more stories, but I will also be quitting my morning job for my birthday so I will have more time to write them up.

oh and to answer Rogers comment form last time I don't need to go to bartending school I work a beer and wine bar, so no real memorization except what each beer tastes like and it has made me find a new love of discussing beer. I have in fact become a beer snob.