dirty jokes

I have now spent two days as a bartender and it is by far the best job ever. I get to bull shit with regulars serve beer and if I mess up at the end of my shift I an forced to drink it. I also get all the free dr. pepper I can drink, and tips if you can ever be a bartender do it.

but that's not the point of this post I started a joke war with this old guy at the bar so if anyone has any joke suggestions preferably dirty I would appreciate it. and if i get enough responses I'll tell you the ones that good ol' Harry has told me.

noche no es bueno

It's been a while mostly due to the complete overhaul of my lazy life into a workaholic. Tomorrow i commence my ninth day of work in a row at the Good harvest Cafe. Where the kitchen is filled with potheads and the waitress look weird, not to mention the weird ass health food they try to pass off sometimes. Overall though the food's good and I'm learning how to make it all, and I get a free meal daily. but the surprise came today when I got home and had two more job offers for night jobs, one as a host/busboy which I might take cause it's a fancier restaurant and I might becom a waiter by the end of the summer therefore making bankroll in tips, but the other job is a bartender at a brewery and well bartending sounds badass so there is that desicion.

Here is a description of my workplace brought to you by my first day, first of the other prep cook who is training my at one point reaches into his pochet and halfway pulls out a sack, stoner, not that I didn't peg that anyway he had all the tell tale signs the long hair the glazed over look and general intrest in kitchen work. This I thought was to be the end of my pot stories at the cafe, but it was not to be at the end of the day the dishwasher who had previously been sent home came back and went into the backroom with the kitchen manager/cook, which looked very similar to a drug deal, especially since the nexzt day the dishwasher asked him "did the shit work out?" and said "You got hooked up." So basically the dishwashers a dealer and everyone else is a stoner, which explains the levels of incompetance, man I love low expectations.

With my first day off coming this Friday my plan is to grab my guitar a book and a 12 pack a beer and sit by the river and ignore every one I can almost taste it. Until then I need my beauty rest.

why people should respond to my IMs

styles2442 (7:27:47 PM): hey
styles2442 (7:27:52 PM): you still going?
styles2442 (7:28:28 PM): there was this one time
styles2442 (7:28:39 PM): when I was walking outside
styles2442 (7:28:51 PM): not here outside but outside like beach outside
styles2442 (7:29:09 PM): and I thought I saw a cheerio
styles2442 (7:29:26 PM): and I thought what purpose does a cheerio have in nature
styles2442 (7:29:42 PM): so I examined further
styles2442 (7:30:10 PM): as I leaned in I noticed it wasn't a cheerio
styles2442 (7:30:14 PM): so I dusted it off
styles2442 (7:30:31 PM): with each brush it grew in diameter
styles2442 (7:30:52 PM): fruit loop size
styles2442 (7:30:55 PM): donut size
styles2442 (7:31:10 PM): frisbee size
styles2442 (7:31:23 PM): kiddie pool size
styles2442 (7:31:34 PM): until it enveloped the whole beach
styles2442 (7:32:09 PM): at this point I thought this is too big to figure out what it is so I peed in the middle and went home
styles2442 (7:32:22 PM): respond mother fucker
“WicketSteve” has stopped using the computer at 7:33:22 PM, and is now considered idle.
styles2442 (7:33:56 PM): fine then I am going downstairs to eat call me I decided I want to go
styles2442 (7:58:18 PM): screw you you dirty dirty hippie
styles2442 (7:59:34 PM): I hope one night you drool so much that you fill up your room and you drown in your own saliva
styles2442 (8:00:15 PM): ok fine I'm calling you

so much drama in the CC, C......A

so, you may have heard my home town mentioned in the news in the last 24 hours. A 7.0 Earthquake struck 83 miles off the coast of Crescent City. At the time of the quake my ass was upon the floor thus sending the quaking throughout my body, this was the first earthquake in my memory I remember being in. The TV and the whole room began shaking, Then when it ceased excitement struck I mean earthquakes are pretty cool as long as stuff doesn't break. But the full blown effects of the earthquake became apparent when we flipped on the local radio. TSUNAMI WARNING!!!!! any one 6 blocks from the beach need to evacuate luckily I was far enough out of town I didn't have to worry. After the earthquake went off the phone lines became jammed so I had to head home to let my mom know I was alright. As I pull away from my friends house I realize the mistake in driving I get fully surrounded by the evacuation. There was a line of over a hundred cars and every turnout was painted with cars and panicked people. The trip was a bit long but I ended up making it, my family had called some of our friends who live on the beach here is a second hand account of their argument (by the way they are married):

Angela: We have to get the cats

John: screw the cats lets get out of here

Angela: help me get the cats

John: there is no way we can get all the cats

eventually John gave up and had to help hunt down the five cats and get them in containers but they never made it out to our house so who knows if they got them all. But it turns out it was all for nothing no tsunami attacked our shores and wipe the crappy place off the planet again. So the good news: no Tsunami Bad news: I started work today.

the highlights

I picked up a job today working as a breakfast cook, I start Wednesday, so kick ass on that.

I got another job doing yardwork for a lady who is in my mom's ballet class, who happens to be a total Milf its weird but the extra cash will be nice.

Some things I've been thinking about:
Deep thought- This weekend I was clearing wilderness back behind my house, attacking it with weedwhackers and chain saws. This conquering of the wilderness gave an ultimate feeling of masculinity. So I pondered the idea that manliness is derived from the domination of the untamed.

cheap thought- Do dogs get offended by the farts of other dogs like human do?

dove

A debate just raged in the Johnson household, sprouting from a new bottle of dove shampoo. The question arose is the maker of dove shampoo and dove Chocolates the same company. If true, then there is no way this company is not owned by someone of the female persuasion. I mean chocolate and beauty supplies, if that doesn't scream double X chromosomes then Christopher Columbus found the edge of the world and sailed off. But unfortunatly for Women in business these are in fact different companies and dove chocolate is owned by Mars, Inc. So if this debate ever transpires in your head and/or nearby you you can answer these moments of uncertainty with clarity. And life goes on...

Drinking in the name of science

in my never ending quest of informing the general public about drinking experiments I bring you the Racial contest...

black vs. white

ignorance is bliss

Since the start of the summer I have attempted to better myself. Though not like morrally or even professionally but mostly in the world of minimal movement hand eye coordination games. These include darts, pool and ping pong. The pool playing is mostly so I can win drinks off people in bars later in life, cause as long as I'm hustling I might as well get drinks from it. But this particular story does not include pool or darts but the illustrious sport of ping pong.

The other day i got a call from my friend David asking if I wanted to play ping pong with his semi girly and some other girl. I was bored so I head over and after a few games the girls get tired of playing and start watching us play. So otra girly starts her interveiw on me cause I'd already put on a little bit of a flirt show, what can I say I am a shameless flirt, so she asks what school I went to? To which I respond University of Puget Sound, then naturally comes the major question? Computer science. Then comes the final questin of the girl-looking-for-potential intervewing what do you plan on doing? So I say for now I'm thinking about being a writer for a bit. her reponse was priceless "I don't really like reading, I'm not much of a reader." To which the only response I can think of becomes "well then I guess you aren't really my target audience." The best part of this response was since David was high it cracked him up, thus assuring I won the point.

So, the moral of the day make your opponents laugh and use their moments of distraction to crush them like a castrated cockroach.