"We're Johnson's"

Just a quick update post I got back from Alaska, Alaska is a kick ass state and given the chance I'd totally live there. We also went to Victoria where I swear one in ten people is a hot girl, it also has a pretty damn good bar scene. As soon as I gather up my thoughts and stories and decide which ones are worthy of posting and which ones should be left to memory and not to searchable internet. Until then one quick story and a joke my grandpa told me.

So, my cousin and I were hanging out in the cruise ship night club, and we both were sort of gazing at our own reflections in the mirror. The girls we were hanging out with got fed up with it after a few seconds and said "Get over yourselves." And being related and a tad drunk we turned and faced each other and practicly simultanously exclaimed "We're Johnson's". And became vidicated.

Q: Why shouldn't you have a two story whore house?

A: Too much fucking overhead!

The collection

First off I'd like to thank the dishwasher at good harvest, Jose, for reaffirming the Mexican Stereo types of illiteracy, brazen talking, and laziness. This guy can't even tell time he calls in two or three times between 7 and 8 to ask if he should come in yet. (He doesn't start till eight.) Then upon entering promptly asks what time it is and this will not be his first question. Every few hours it's "Dude, can you do me a favor...?" It has made me feel completely vindicated for every racist Mexican joke I have ever told.

Second, a shout out to a old friend who became a fan of my blog, who got drunk at the bar I was tending, and even quoted my blog at me it was awesome, I'm totally famous. I went out drinking last night at a great sketchy bar named the turf where I was not carded no matter how young I look and people were allowed to smoke in the bar which may not be much for you WA people but for CA its weird and also illegal, but a bars a bar so it was cool. I didn't get drunk enough to be that exciting but I made new friends and drinking buddies who's goal it is to hit Rock Bottom drunkenness.

Third, I leave for a cruise Sunday and will attempt to be in Tacoma Saturday night. Belligerence will most likely ensue, coinciding with beer pong most likely, so there's that, and I'm tired but expect the next post to involve drunken Alaskan cruise postings which may or may not change the very way you view the existence of the Norwegian fly swatter.

P.S. When spell checking this I misspelled blog "bloc" and blog wasn't an acceptable replacement. weird.

quote

"he who'd go to war for no reason, would go to hell for a picnic"

best quote from bartending yesterday

(about threesomes)

guy: Its hard enough pleasing one women, try two.

girls be crazy

"IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."

That's the first line from a book I had the dislpeasure of reading. A book so horrid that I hated it from that exact line. which I will reiterate was the fist line, the farther I go in life though I realize that women do think like that. The other day at the bar a couple of girls who are about 5 years older than me, I was doing my flirty bartender thing. and within a beer I overhear one of them say to the other "he's cute who do we know who is his age we can hook him up with." Without even a thought as to what I would want, no what's your type or anything just assuming I would go along. Later she at least asked the question if i had a girlfriend. On the brightside I did turn them into Tuesday Wednesday night regulars, so guarenteed tips are nice.

Well it's dinner time so my rant must be ceased hope things are good with everyone.

head, head, whose got head?

While bartending today I learned of a game that if any of you play more power to you. On the surface it's your basic bluffing game, meaning you have to keep a straight face. Now the guy telling the story was giving a second hand account of the playing and thus everything is hearsay but the game is too fantastic not to share it.

What you need:
an opaque table
8-10 chairs
8-10 guys
random whore

How to play:
Every guy is seated around the table, the girl then proceeds to give head to one of the guys under the table, now the object of the game is to guess who is getting head. whoever guesses wrong has to buy a round and if picked the guy getting head has to buy a round.

so yeah the name of the game is head, head, whose got head, play at your own peril.